"You want me to do what?"

 

I was sitting in a booth at The Dew Drop Inn on Brooklyn's Fifth Avenue across from a dapper gent in a dark brown suit and a pretty lady in a floppy hat and a white linen blouse. They had invited me to meet over drinks to consider a proposal.

 

"As you know, the World's Fair begins in a couple of weeks. I represent the Underwood Typewriter Company. Miss Jane, here, is an Animal Trainer for Frank Buck's Jungleland. And of course, you run the Typing School for Professional Ladies, your reputation is unmatched. The intersection of these facts are at the root of our meeting."

 

"I'm not sure I understand."

 

"We want you to teach Jenny how to type."

 

"Who's Jenny?"

 

"My Pachyderm," chimed in Miss Jane.

 

"Your what?"

 

"Pachyderm, an elephant. She's very smart. We have worked together for a long time," Miss Jane added with a sly smile.

 

"This is ridiculous. How can an elephant type? You need little fingers, and hands, and correct posture, and spelling, and English. An elephant, sorry, a pachyderm, would crush a typewriter."

 

"I'm sorry, but please hear me out. There is more to this. I forgot to add that for the Fair we built a large, working version of the Underwood Master. It is as tall as two of you, weighs four tons, and uses huge sheets of special paper. It is the heart of our exhibit and we thought it would be quite the draw for visitors to see Jenny type on it.

 

They showed me a picture of the beast with showgirl models draped seductively on the space bar. It was impressive. 

 

"At least come meet Jenny," Miss Jane added. "I'll introduce the two of you. It'll be fun. She loves games. She's going to be more of a hunt and peck kinda girl. The words are not going to fly across the page, but the keys are heavy and I doubt that one of your 'professional young ladies' could even type one letter."

 

"Not to mention," he said to close the deal, "you will be well compensated and your school will be featured in the exhibit. We will also have blindfolded typing contests headlined by your ladies.

 

I gulped down the rest of my drink. "What the hell, why not. When do we start?"

 

"Right away, I'm afraid to say. We open in ten days."

 

My heart sunk. I thought, "what have I gotten myself into."

 

###

 

The first thing Jenny did on Day One was swipe my hat off my head with her trunk. I thought I was going to lose more than my hat.

 

Miss Jane laughed and smiled. "Wonderful, she likes you too. This is going to work out just fine."

 

Next, I met the Underwood. I thought Jenny was big but this thing was massive, and yet the keys were surprisingly responsive. I jumped on the I key and black ink hit the paper with a solid swack.

 

"Miss Jane? Do you have a first name?" I scrambled around hitting a few more keys.

 

"It's Mary, but no one calls me that."

 

"That's fine, I'll call you Mary Jane. Close your eyes now, and no peeking." I continued bouncing around. "Okay you can look now."

 

The very large paper read -

 I AM MARY JANE. I WOULD LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES. WILL YOU BRING ME SOME?

 

She laughed. "Well, I do like chocolates... and champagne, just for the record."

 

On Day Two, we met in the Pavilion at dawn. She brought Jenny, I brought champagne. We taught Jenny how to use her trunk to press the keys and push the carriage return. She used her left foot to operate the space bar. Mary Jane pointed out each letter to hit in order. At the end of a long day all the paper read was-

 HELLO IAM JENNY

 

The next day, and the next, and the next, the sentence would get a little longer. We were having fun, the Underwood Man, whose name I could never remember, looked on worriedly, as he always did, constantly checking his silver chained pocket watch.

 

Day Six was almost a complete disaster. I slipped, whacked my head pretty good and got stuck between the space bar and X and Z keys. Mary Jane helped me wriggle free, and while in her arms we kissed. Jenny trumpeted in a jealous fit and stomped off. It took some doing to get her back. The Underwood Man was not pleased. He asked me if he should make an alternate plan for the opening. I lied and told him that we would be fine. He checked his watch and told me not to ever let him down. There was too much on the line. Personally I wasn't so sure what Jenny would or could do. The three of us fooled around for the rest of the day. We also made sure Jenny wasn't around when we kissed again later that night.

 

On Day Seven I brought reinforcements. I brought the Typing School for Professional Ladies to the Pavilion. A dozen of our best students came, set up their desks, and started typing away. Jenny frolicked excitedly, lumbering from one machine to another and then raced straight to her own typewriter. She was having fun. For the first time, we got the whole message right.

 

The next two days, the ladies continued to come and help. Jenny would practice and play with them. Mary Jane and I even managed to sneak out on our own a couple of times. 

 

Day Ten - Opening Night

 

We knew we were ready, even if Mr. Underwood was not convinced. "No time to go back now," I said. The Hall of Business and Industry was packed to the rafters. After the chorus girl parade, the Underwood President's speech there were oohs and ahhs as the curtains lifted and the massive Underwood Master was unveiled. The crowd went silent as the lights came down. Jenny, Mary Jane and I approached, lit only by a spotlight while the Orchestra played Bach Sonata Number Three. We sat down off to the side with my students who began typing away in rhythm to the music, and, just as we practiced, Jenny went up to the Typewriter and hunted and pecked her way to a standing ovation. 

 

The very large paper read -

 HELLO, MY NAME IS JENNY, I AM A PACHYDERM. I AM 38 YEARS OLD AND WEIGH THREE AND A HALF TONS. YOU CAN VISIT ME AT FRANK BUCKS JUNGLELAND AT THE 1940 WORLD'S FAIR IN NEW YORK CITY

 

The crowd, erupted with laughter, amazement, and applause. Then Jenny bowed, trumpeted and turned back to the typewriter and started typing on her own...

 

 I LOVE TYPING CLASS. CAN I HAVE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES NOW?

 I LIKE CHAMPAGNE TOO.